Big My Secret

On a muggy, disgusting, rainy Sunday, we thought seeing a movie was too predictable. A jaunt to the mall on Father's Day it is!

We made a deal, the hubby and I, a quick dash to Victoria's Secret for me (trust that I could hold the world record when it comes to shopping--NOBODY is quicker), before a never-ending visit to the electronics store for him.

Enter we did, amid all the semi-annual bla bla signs featuring Heidi and Co. in their skivvies. I came upon the style I was looking for before an annoying woman chased me down and asked what size I needed. "34D," I informed her*. Without skipping a beat she told me they were out of that size, but "why don't you try a 36C? You know they're sister sizes," as she pulled up the offending garment.

The hubby, in an iPhone stupor, simply snickered, as if knowing what I was about to say next.

"Let me ask you something," I said as I turned to Nostradamus, "what size shoe do you wear?"

"7.5 " was her reply.

"Narrow or Wide?"

"Narrow."

"So you wouldn't be a 7 wide, now would you?"

Long pause. "I guess not."

"I didn't think so."

Shifting gears, she tried to steer me toward a different style. "Well I do have your size in this pushup demi." The flimsy, cushiony, lacy mess had no relation whatsoever to the everyday (ok, purposely unsexy) garment I had been seeking. "A pushup kinda defeats the purpose with these bad boys, don't you think?" I could hear her brain freeze, in a Microsoft Vista fashion.

Someone needs to explain the following: Do most women go to work in push-me-up-so-high-I-spill-over boulder holders? I long ago noticed that European lingerie lines focus on pretty fabrics and sexy styles without all the muss and fuss that VS seems to be obsessed with: Bigger! Rounder! Higher! Is this an American thing? Because let me tell you, yes La Perla is pricey, but whether you're A or C cup, they love you just the same.

As we walked out, I resigned myself to the fact that I would leave the mall empty boobed handed. But those VS models wearing wings? They got nothing on my angel. He got me a shiny new toy today. Why? Just 'cause.

Yep, a great (sugar) daddy he will be.

Mrs. Cleavege Cleaver,

June

*Cleavage size has been changed to protect the innocent.