Reliving My Youth...Already?!

(Culprit: the actual African print.)

So I tick off an age box between the numbers 30 and 40. This should not mean that I'm now relegated to housewife uniforms that fall under the following categories:

☒Rich, chubby housewife who disguises the fact that she never got back to her (eating disorder-induced) pre-baby weight with any and every designer garment/bag/shoe--she doesn't need to have style, she can buy Fashion!

☒Soccer mom jeans wearer.

☑Someone who wears sweatpants (ok, pajamas) everywhere with a constant air of "Oh I'm just on my way to the gym..."

In an attempt to shake things up, I put on my favorite bell-bottom-y summer jeans (70s vibe--something Nicole Ritchie would wear), bright T-shirt, and layered gold necklaces, all while sporting the messiest, frizziest hair you've ever seen (young, cool people don't actually bother with their hair do they?)

Feeling very hip (pun intended) indeed, I made my way to American Apparel, or as it's better known, where you can find every ugly trendy item you missed the first time around. Now I'm a courageous girl when it comes to fashion, but I do draw the line at African-print harem pants (hello? American Apparel? MC Hammer called. Even he doesn't want that look back). 

The final straw was when a lovely--if dim--salesgirl asked if I'd seen their newest dress. She then lead me to the vicinity of tight nylon covered in paint splatter that can be best described as burnt-sienna-no-wait-it's really-burnt-neon. Dimwit mistook my gasp of repulsion for pleasure and said, "I know! Isn't it amazing? SO vintage," without an ounce of irony. 

Ladies and gentleman, I never thought I'd live to see the day when something I wore long and hard came back to haunt me in my (is it twilight yet?) "grown-up" years. 

Join me next week as I relive the Vamp nail polish craze and watch "old movies" like "Trainspotting" and "Reality Bites". 

For the record: Ben Stiller has salt in his pepper, Winona Ryder plays Spock's mom in the new Star Trek and Ethan Hawke has wrinkles. All over his face.  

As Mr. Pointy Ears would say, this is all very illogical.

June